Hey! I'm sorry that I haven't updated (though nobody reads this anyways), but shits crazy right now. My dad is out of jail, and I will now tell you why he went in. For quite awhile, my dad was selling pills, and then he decided to restart his "career" of stealing credit cards. Well, He got caught, and stayed in there for about two months.
To say how my Ana journey is going.... well, it's okay i guess. for the past two days, I had eaten under 500 cals to prepare myself for the ABC diet. Well, that turned out to be a bad idea, because I binged all to hell today, considering my family had the BEST IDEA to roast smores when they fucking knew I was trying to not eat sweets. And they fucking asked me if I wanted a smore. At first, I was like, no thank you, an then they kept asking and asking and asking and asking, so I finally said yes. And the proceeded to eat 5 damn smores. Fuck my life. Im so dam mad at myself, I can't even comprehend why I'm still alive.
Monday, July 11, 2016
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Hello :3
Hello peoples. Yesterday went wonderfully, because I only ate 235 calories exactly, but today was horrible. I don't even know how many calories I ate, an it's killing me, - though I did drink some salt water which forced me to throw some of it up. But I'm still extremely upset with myself, because i know it was at least over 1,500 calories, and god, is that such a horrible fact to know. I'm planning on keeping it under 200 calories tomorrow, but i don't know how that will go, because my sister is noticing how much I'm not eating, and she is getting upset with me. So is my counselor - actually, she was yelling at me today because i "needed" to eat at least 2,000 calories, but I just grit my teeth and listened to her bullshit.
Also, my brother-in-law yelled at me and asked me if I wanted to see ribs, and I just lied and said no. I guess there's a lot of yelling in my life, hm? My anxieties don't deal with it well either. I usually end up having panic attacks when someone yells at me, due to my father being an asshole in general, but he isn't here anymore. He's in jail. You might be asking why, but I'll save that for some other time.
I guess this is goodbye for now, so toodles, my lovelies!!
Also, my brother-in-law yelled at me and asked me if I wanted to see ribs, and I just lied and said no. I guess there's a lot of yelling in my life, hm? My anxieties don't deal with it well either. I usually end up having panic attacks when someone yells at me, due to my father being an asshole in general, but he isn't here anymore. He's in jail. You might be asking why, but I'll save that for some other time.
I guess this is goodbye for now, so toodles, my lovelies!!
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Hi...
My name is Emith Hart, though that is an alias. I am 13 years old, and I have been proana for awhile (roughly nov. of 2015), but I've gotten way off track, and I've lost my way - but now I want back in. I want that good feeling of seeing the number drop. The feeling of eating 250 or less.
Now, you may be thinking that I'm "too young" and I simply "don't understand", but I do. I understand how it feels to hate yourself for eating anything, to the point where you purge the shit back up because it makes you sick to the stomach. I know how it feels to creep down the stairs at night, only to shove food in your face and then proceed to puke it all up. But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to shove my fat fingers down my wretched throat anymore; I simply want to go back to the success that there once was. I simply want to be a thin girl of bones - and I will be.
I guess at this point I should reveal some things about myself - give you some insight. As i stated earlier, I am 13 years of age. I am roughly 5'4" at a disgustingly fat weight of 154. I have eyes with barely any pigment, though in the brightest of days they are a dark brown. I have a lavender deathhawk, though I do want to grow my hair out. I constantly wear sweaters to hide my old and new scars, even in the summer. I love pop-punk music, though I've more recently grown a love for soft, meaningful music, such as "emotional anorexic" by svavar knutur. I mostly keep to myself, because I've been betrayed one to many times in my life, and I don't really trust people. My life consists of blurred days and large numbers, though I wish for them to shrink.
At this point I think I should place some "goals" for myself, as I did the last time I attempted this journey.
GW 1 - 140
GW 2 - 130
GW 3 - 120
GW 4 - 110
GW 5 - 100
and specifically,
UGW - 91
Toodles,
Me
Now, you may be thinking that I'm "too young" and I simply "don't understand", but I do. I understand how it feels to hate yourself for eating anything, to the point where you purge the shit back up because it makes you sick to the stomach. I know how it feels to creep down the stairs at night, only to shove food in your face and then proceed to puke it all up. But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to shove my fat fingers down my wretched throat anymore; I simply want to go back to the success that there once was. I simply want to be a thin girl of bones - and I will be.
I guess at this point I should reveal some things about myself - give you some insight. As i stated earlier, I am 13 years of age. I am roughly 5'4" at a disgustingly fat weight of 154. I have eyes with barely any pigment, though in the brightest of days they are a dark brown. I have a lavender deathhawk, though I do want to grow my hair out. I constantly wear sweaters to hide my old and new scars, even in the summer. I love pop-punk music, though I've more recently grown a love for soft, meaningful music, such as "emotional anorexic" by svavar knutur. I mostly keep to myself, because I've been betrayed one to many times in my life, and I don't really trust people. My life consists of blurred days and large numbers, though I wish for them to shrink.
At this point I think I should place some "goals" for myself, as I did the last time I attempted this journey.
GW 1 - 140
GW 2 - 130
GW 3 - 120
GW 4 - 110
GW 5 - 100
and specifically,
UGW - 91
Toodles,
Me
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